


got this feeling in our souls we carry

by SilverHeart09



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: I'M STILL SCREAMING, s12 trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverHeart09/pseuds/SilverHeart09
Summary: ‘Why are you sat in the dark? Doctor? Hey, you alright?’
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 135





	got this feeling in our souls we carry

**Author's Note:**

> (deep breath)
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

‘Why are you sat in the dark? Doctor? Hey, you alright?’

A hand on her arm jolted the Doctor out of the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind and she looked up to see Yaz standing over her, a frown creasing her face. It was late, maybe later than she’d realised, and she could only blink at Yaz who knelt down in front of her; worry in her eyes. 

‘Doctor,’ she said softly. ‘Why are you crying?’

The Doctor pressed the pads of her fingers to her eyes and felt the wet there. She hadn’t realised she’d been weeping silently and she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve. It wouldn’t do for one of her friends - one of her  _ family  _ \- to see her crying; but she was glad it was Yaz and not one of the boys. 

‘Sorry, was thinking about a sad video about a kitten,’ she mumbled, voice thick, and Yaz reached out to hold her hand. The touch surprised her and as she looked down at their conjoined hands it occurred to her she couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her like this. Hand holding was usually done in desperation when she had to drag her companions out of danger. This was a welcome change. 

‘Why is it blue in here?’ Yaz asked, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Is it a telepathy thing? Does the TARDIS match your mood?’

The Doctor hadn’t considered that before, but a low hum from the ship indicated Yaz was correct and she didn't reply. She could feel the nightmare tugging at the back of her head and knew she wouldn’t be able to hold it back for long. Sleep was pulling behind her eyes and Yaz was fading in front of her, spiralling down into the darkness...

‘Doctor!’

She came to quickly, a hand shooting out to grab Yaz’s arm, and she realised she’d nodded off. Her head felt fuzzy and Yaz held her face between her hands, peering at her in worry. The Doctor could tell she was about three seconds away from yelling for the boys so she reached up to hold Yaz’s hands in place. It felt soothing, being held like this, and the Doctor closed her eyes.

‘No, keep them open till we can get you into bed,’ Yaz commanded. ‘Unless you’ll let me look at your side now? Is that the problem? Are you in pain?’

Was she in pain? Emotional pain maybe, but then when was she not? She’d taken an energy blast to the ribs that had had her doubled over in agony for the past few hours, but an ice pack had reduced the swelling and she barely noticed it anymore. No, she wasn’t in pain. It was fear that kept her still, fear that stopped her responding to Yaz. There was something out there, in the dark. Something coming for her. Half of her wanted to abandon her friends somewhere safe and flee, the other half wanted to draw them all close and hold onto them. 

‘Doctor, you’re frightening me.’

Yaz’s face swam into focus in front of her. Soft, vibrant Yaz. Eyes warm, expression concerned.

If Yaz was surprised when the Doctor pulled her forward and clung to her, face pushed against her neck, she didn't show it and when they pulled away from each other Yaz rested her forehead gently against the Doctor's, thumb rubbing against the back of her hand soothingly. 

‘Sorry,’ the Doctor said quietly. ‘I just - I just needed a…’

She trailed off and Yaz pulled her into a hug, warm arms holding her tightly as the Doctor tentatively curled against her. 

‘You never ask for hugs,’ Yaz whispered softly. ‘But it’s okay, I’ll gladly offer them.’ 

‘I keep forgetting how good a proper hug can make you feel,’ the Doctor mumbled into her shoulder, hands clutching Yaz’s jacket and running the material through her fingers. 

‘There’s something bothering you,’ Yaz said carefully. ‘Don’t think we haven’t noticed. I’m really worried about you, Doctor.’

‘You don’t need to be worried about me,’ she replied, so silently Yaz barely heard her. ‘I’m always alright, me.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Yaz said, pulling away from her but keeping her hands on the Doctor's arms. ‘You’re sat in the dark crying and you won’t tell me what the problem is. That’s not alright, that’s having a crisis. Now please,  _ please,  _ tell me what’s going on. You’re going to make yourself ill if you keep this bottled up and I can’t be witness to that.’

The Doctor swallowed hard. She wasn’t sure how she could describe what the problem was, wasn’t even sure there  _ was  _ a problem. It was a feeling, really, and not even a concrete one. How could she simplify the way she saw the universe? The way she saw time? There was something hunting her, but how could she explain that to Yaz when she barely knew herself what that something was?

‘Something’s coming for me, Yaz,’ she whispered. ‘I can feel it.’

‘Let it come, we can take it,’ Ryan’s voice came from behind her, and she turned to see him and Graham stood by the console, expressions gentle, not at all guilty to be caught eavesdropping. She wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d been stood there this entire time.

‘Yeah,’ Yaz nodded. ‘I agree. We’ll look after you, cause we’re your mates.’

‘Family,’ Graham corrected.

‘You can’t know that,’ the Doctor said. ‘I can barely keep you lot safe as it is, how are you meant to look after me?’

‘Well to start with,’ Yaz said, standing up and reaching out to pull the Doctor to her feet. ‘We can get you to bed, cause you look exhausted. Offence intended, if that’ll persuade you.’

Genuine terror flashed across the Doctor's face that went unnoticed by Graham and Ryan, but not by Yaz.

‘I’ll stay with you, if that’ll help,’ Yaz said softly. ‘Now come on, say goodnight.’

‘We’ll see you in the morning, Doc,’ Graham told her, and she realised they were all dressed for bed. Guilt tugged at her but also something warm began to blossom in her chest. They’d gone looking for her, because they were worried about her, because she was their family.

She could barely remember the last time she’d had one of those. 

It was Yaz’s room she was led to and Yaz was already turning the light off and clambering under the covers before the Doctor had even closed the door. It was cosy in Yaz’s room, warm and tidy. Her clothes were folded neatly, her books were stacked by her bed, photos from home dotted her desk; including a few of her and the Doctor. That was something the Doctor was grateful for. The TARDIS didn't recycle rooms. Her new friends got their own, brand new room and the others were archived away somewhere. She wasn’t sure she’d ever step foot in her friends’ rooms if it had belonged to one of her previous companions.

‘You getting in or not?’ Yaz said. ‘Cause I thought you wanted a cuddle.’

She surrendered her coat, boots and socks, braces and t-shirt to the floor and slid under the covers; Yaz immediately reaching out to pull her into her arms. 

‘You’re freezing,’ Yaz murmured. ‘How long were you sat there for?’

The Doctor didn't reply. She could feel a nightmare lurking at the back of her mind and it terrified her, but then Yaz started running her fingers through soft blonde locks and gradually it began to disappear; frightened off by the comfort. 

‘Go to sleep,’ Yaz said softly. ‘I’m here.’

And, when the Doctor woke up four hours later shaking, she was. 


End file.
